Time

They say time waits for nothing and that everything will take its time. But I say time is the ultimate illusion. Things that exist have always existed, maybe just in a different form. Therefore, anything that is meant to be already IS...maybe just a little further down the path. Im thankful that I understand this because its makes me a lot less anxious. Im very excited about what is taking place in my life!!

I've been working even harder to understand the world we live in, as well as the universe we are apart of. I would hate to die and realize everything i held as truth was completely false. Its amazing how much we humans think we know...when in actuality we know VERY little of the grand scheme of things. I wonder if its even possible for us to know EVERYthing. My brain hurts just thinking about that...ouch!

My Aha! Moment

 Most people have heard of Oprah's terminology, an Aha! Moment. According to her it is “unforgettable, connect-the-dots moments, when everything suddenly, somehow changed.”  I had this life-changing, world-shifting, moment last night (July 31, 2010) while reading the words of a woman I will now never forget..Erika Harris. Her site http://www.joyful-work-for-sensitive-people.com/ explained a large facet of my being that I had never quite been able to explain and label.  I know now without a shadow of a doubt that I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). From the research of Elaine Aron the world was introduced to ground-breaking scientific evidence that 20% of the population are born with a highly sensitive nervous system. This has many consequences both good and bad for that person.  But the biggest concept of a HSP that I most identify with is the sensitivity of other peoples feelings and energy. I often find myself weighed down by other peoples problems....most often when they haven't even verbalized them to me.  HSP's are very very thoughtful people who often find themselves trapped in a spiral of thinking too much...and I definitely do that.  I cannot express how absolutely amazing it feels to learn more of who I am...and why I am the way i am. As Ericka so brillantly put it "I'm not crazy. Its my grotesque habitat that is crazy." 

In this video, Elaine Aron explains, briefly, what a Highly Sensitive Person is:

I feel...brand NEW

I feel better than I have in a while. I am learning how powerful my thoughts and mind really are. I am slowly but surely revamping my whole world by retraining my thoughts. Me and Velte are embarking on this journey together and it has made us sooo sooo much closer. I love him more now than ever before and Im so very thankful for our marriage. Dinah is also being transformed by us changing our thoughts about her condition. In my mind she is not disabled, she is fully functional. And only in a short time will our thoughts start to manifest in this physical world. And that is only because we live in a world ruled by time...so we have to wait.

I'm so happy. I'm so fulfilled. Nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.

A tired RANT

Okay I have to get this off of my chest. Im not normal. In fact im very far from it. I have an extremely inquiring, technical, curious, perceptive, deep, and pondering mind. I do not look at any object as just a physical entity. I look at an object and all at once wonder what it is made of, how it got here, whats its purpose, how it effects me, etc, etc, etc. Which means my mind is always racing....neurons always firing. I have always known that I was created this way. Even at a young age I questioned everything. I was always reading. Always soaking up knowledge. I yearn to understand this world we live in. I yearn to understand the grand purpose of it all. Yeah i know...religion supposedly explains it all. BUT, written doctrine only further confuses me. Too many contradictions. Too many gray areas. Im done with eating the bits and pieces of someone elses ideology. I want to KNOW the TRUTH for MYSELF. Perhaps everyone has a different truth. Perhaps there is no truth. You see how quickly my mind races? My gift of the quest for knowledge often feels like a curse. I often feel like im running through a maze with no way out. I answer one question only to be given 5 more.  I am highly convinced that one day it will all make sense. One day every puzzle piece that is floating in my head will form a cohesive picture of TRUTH.  Or maybe I'll come and go on this earth like the billions before me and just be apart of an inconclusive history.

Randomly Catching Up

Okay, catching up startingggggg NOW

1.) I feel slightly bad that I havent blogged in so long...SLIGHTLY. I've just been extra busy, extra stressed, extra frustrated...the usual. But, Im happy to say that things have been pretty good overall.  School is a annoying the hell out of me and I am sooooooooooooo excited that in a couple weeks this semester will be O-V-E-R. Initially I was going to take one summer class but for a few reasons I changed my mind. Which translates to me having an awesome summer (so I hope).  Im planning a roadtrip with a few coworkers of mine. Ive got a couple trips with my husband planned. And a handful of other events with my younger and older siblings. GASP...I may actually have fun this summer! Me? Fun? Havent really correlated those two words in a while...but the concept seems promising.


2.) Ive been in the gym. Ive been playing some major tennis. AND Ive been eating healthy. Which means I have given up my sweet addiction...icecream (teardrop). Not only is swimsuit season upon us, but I am set on keeping this body of mine fit and healthy for as long as possible. I still really dont understand how people can be in the health profession and KNOW the many habits that can kill them early and still do them. How can you teach a patient healthy habits when you dont follow them yourself? Im just sayin. Ignorance kills but apparently so does knowledge.


3.) I lost my wedding ring. My husband bought me a MUCH better one today. Probably only because I was getting hit on so much lol. Okay no...its because he is a sweetheart. :-)


4.) I have a new phone! Sprint Samsung Moment. Touchscreen. Android platform. I absolutely LOVE it. It is by far the best phone I have ever owned.  Many times better than my old crackberry. Im pretty addicted...its like a freakin gameboy for adults! Lol.


5.) Oh yea...Im not tripping on people anymore. For F'in REAL this time. If you feel the need to ignore an attempt of mine at friendship just know it will NOT be offered again. Yeah...not EVER. Lifes too short to pause trying to befriend the world. Last time I checked friendship was supposed to flow naturally.  Or not flow at all.


6.) Hmm...back to happy thoughts. Im loving this new sense of freedom in me. I want to do sooo many different things. I want to change my hair so many different ways. I want to travel. I want to redecorate my house. Im just ready to change.  Im ready to experience things foreign to me. Im ready to grow.


7.) I really wonder if my life will ever go back to normal post nursing school. Ive become this frantic, constantly on edge person. Totally not me.  I feel like Im trading my sanity for the opportunity to help people. I guess thats worth it right? As long as I dont become like some of the nurses Ive met who "eat their own young." Total jerks. Please God...anything but that! Really.


8.) Okay...I need to get back to studying. I have 2 exams next week. And 2 more the week after. HUGE exams. So needless to say I probably should NOT have been blogging. But I felt the need to catch up with whoever actually takes the time to read this. Sorry this was so random, but if you havent figured it out by now thats kinda my style of thought. Ive got a billion things on my mind at any given moment. Just be happy I can write my thoughts somewhat coherently.

Kelley :-)